


Moments

by ladyhungerhurst



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-10-14 10:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20598989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyhungerhurst/pseuds/ladyhungerhurst
Summary: Little angsty slow burn snippets.





	1. A Sacred Hymn

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to Skater Girl for her amazing Beta Powers.

She didn’t know when it started, but suddenly she noticed her differently. It was in the subtle ways. The way she put up her hair up high. How she crossed her legs while she sat in her chair. Or on particularly quiet shifts, how she’d go from station to station checking in. The subtle ways she’d touch everyone in encouragement, but the way her fingers lingered a little longer on B'Elanna. 

It was in other ways too, the way they would both light up when they solved a problem, their excitement filling them with adrenaline. Hands to arms, hands to lower backs. From the outside it looked innocent enough, hadn’t Janeway acted this way to every one of her Senior officers? 

B'Elanna knew it was different because of the way the night was theirs. When the rest of the ship was asleep, they both were down in engineering, solving another problem. It was under Voyager’s pulsing indigo thrum that she asked that B'Elanna call her Kathryn. 

“Kathryn.”B’Elanna breathed out and was laughed at. 

“It’s not a dirty word you know.”

But it felt like one, how it blew past her lips like a prayer only spoken by the few, a sacred hymn sung only by the worthy. B'Elanna didn’t feel like she had earned the honor yet.

“That’s going to take me a while to get used to.” There was a long pause, and finally, “Kathryn.” 

“Not so hard is it... B'Elanna?” 

B'Elanna felt her cheeks flush and she turned around, tapping buttons on the console thoughtlessly to disguise the truth on her face, she entered a comfortable territory work. 

“It seems that we got the plasma flow in alignment with the new specs. We just saved the morning crew a couple hours.” She turned then, smiling at Kathryn. 

“What now?” Kathryn asked, a subtle question, but the look in her eyes said something differently.

B'Elanna was caught off guard. Her heart began to race and she knew it was in that moment everything changed. 

“I…” she began, but was only cut off by Kathryn.

“Walk with me?” She was not demanding, but a subtle request laid under the question. 

“Sure.” 

It was the hum of the ship that they both enjoyed, the way that she sang only for them. The only witness to the beginning of  _ them _ . 

She had followed Kathryn to the viewing deck. “No one is ever here,” Kathryn stated, placing her hand on the window. “I guess a 75 year journey home will kill the wonder that the stars once held.”

B'Elanna noticed streaks of light shining on Kathryn’s face and how they lit up the blue in her eyes. “I haven’t lost it, but then again there isn’t much left for me back home.” She turned away, looking at the stars pass them by. 

She could feel Kathryn watching her and she swore she could hear her heart beat rapidly in her chest. Even though she desperately wanted to, she couldn’t turn to face her. Not until she felt Kathryn’s hand on her shoulder. Then she turned. 

“I have gained a lot more here than I care to admit.” Kathryn said, smiling at the woman next to her. 

The intimacy of the moment sent a shock through B'Elanna and she had found herself grabbing Kathryn’s hand with her own, their fingers intertwining. It was B'Elanna that had caught Kathryn off guard then. She had never expected the younger woman to return the sentiment. After all, they had spent many nights together, Kathryn reaching, only to find B'Elanna flush and turn away. This is what Kathryn had grown to expect, a dance that was never reciprocated. 

Kathryn’s breath caught in her throat. She knew she was beginning to reach the line between acceptable conduct with crew and a chasm that she longed to find the bottom of. They stood like that for a moment, neither of them taking the next step, neither wanting it to end. 

The ship hummed in approval, encouraging them to the cliff’s edge. It was only when they heard the voices of others that they retreated, turning to face the windows again, watching the stars, galaxies, and dimensions of possibilities pass them by.


	2. Moonshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit goes to my Beta Skater Girl. Thank you <3

B'Elanna leapt out of the sonic shower and into her uniform, the fabric clinging to her freshly deionized skin. A stolen glance at her chronometer propelled her towards the door. She pushed her hair away from her face, grabbed her PADD and ran out of her quarters and to the briefing room. What was fifteen minutes anyways? 

She was out of breath by the time she arrived and barreled into the quiet room full of disapproving glances as the proverbial bull in the china shop. 

“Nice of you to join us, Lieutenant,” Chakotay reprimanded B'Elanna. 

“Sorry.” She ducked her head and sat down, settling in to her seat. 

She listened intently to Harry’s report but felt one pair of eyes still on her. She looked at Kathryn, who cocked an eyebrow. “Sorry,” B'Elanna mouthed. 

B'Elanna noticed the way the captain went from chair to chair, circling the room. The way her mouth twitched when she didn’t like a status report and how her eyebrows furrowed together slightly when she was thinking. Or how her lips hovered over the cup of steaming black coffee for a whisper of appreciation before taking a sip. 

“Diagnostics of the shields are required for optimal performance, however this will draw upon our energy reserves,” B'Elanna heard Tuvok report, piquing her interest.    
  
“We can offset the energy required if we finish our warp core overhaul before diagnostics, it should drop our power consumption and free up the energy allotment needed.” 

Tuvok cocked his head in approval. “When will the overhaul be completed?”

“End of shift today.”

“Captain, with your permission, I would like to begin shield diagnostics at 0600 hours tomorrow.” 

“Granted. Status on Engineering.” 

“Warp core overhaul will be completed ahead of schedule.” 

“That was a massive project, how’d you do it?” Paris asked, curious. 

“We’ve,” B'Elanna quickly corrected herself, seeing Kathryn carefully watch her, “I’ve been working overtime to complete the project.” 

“Excellent news, Lieutenant, please inform me as soon as you complete the project,” the captain ordered, standing up and shuffling the stack of PADDs. 

“Of course.” B'Elanna nodded. 

“Dismissed.” 

The crew exited the briefing room and B'Elanna handed the Captain her PADD, leaning against the table.

Kathryn always smelled of lavender and coffee, B'Elanna thought as she carefully regarded the woman in front of her.

“What are we going to work on now?” B'Elanna asked, handing Kathryn her PADD. 

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna, her eyes twinkling, “I am sure we’ll figure something out.” 

The spark in her Captain’s stormy eyes drew the words from her lips before B'Elanna knew what was happening. “How about dinner at my place tonight?” B'Elanna was surprised at herself for her directness. 

Kathryn shuffled the PADDs as if carefully weighing the options. B'Elanna inwardly cursed herself for being too direct. She should have known, she thought, this game that they played, this careful dance of secret touches and flirtatious quips was meant to be implied, not mortared into reality. 

B'Elanna bit the inside of her cheek as she balanced on the precipice of her Captain’s response. Every second felt like an eternity and she wanted to run away, to forget that she had said anything and slink back down to Engineering and become one with the warp core. 

“Just forget--” B'Elanna started, but Kathryn spoke over her retreat.

“I’d like that very much.”

The words lifted the corners of B'Elanna’s mouth and she tapped her fingertips on the table. “Say 1900?”

“Want me to bring anything?” 

“Whatever you want to drink.” 

“I look forward to it.”

“Me too.” 

B'Elanna walked out of the briefing room and ran into Chakotay. 

“Captain giving you an earful?” He teased. 

“She runs a tight ship,” B'Elanna said, shaking her head. He patted her on the shoulder. 

“You’ll be in her good graces soon enough.” She smirked at him, leaving the truth of his statement wafting in the corridor and floated to the turbolift toward Engineering. 

B'Elanna’s shift in engineering went smoothly, the overhaul finishing before her optimistic estimate that morning. As she sat in her office wrapping up the project report, her mind wandered as it did lately to Kathryn. 

She didn’t know exactly what was transpiring between them, but something was. B'Elanna looked forward to her nights with the Captain, both of them working on a variety of problems with the ship, or simply just walking the corridors, listening to her hum. They’d spend the nights laughing and sharing stories about their life and when it got really late, they’d wax poetic about the state of human nature, the cause of suffering, of grief, of love and loss. 

Last night as they sat on the observation deck, staring at the stars pass them by, B'Elanna mentioned her father. 

“You’ve never mentioned him before.” Kathryn was sitting at B'Elanna’s feet as she attempted a dutch braid on the Captain. They did this, finding any excuse to touch one another, something innocent that they could play off. Didn’t friends do this? 

Maybe as children. As adults, it meant something else.

“There isn’t much to mention about him,” B'Elanna said quietly, and paused before continuing. “Today is his birthday.” 

“Is he still alive?”

“As far as I know.” There was a bitterness to B'Elanna’s voice that the captain noted. She squeezed B'Elanna’s calf in reassurance. 

“The greatest pain is mourning someone still alive.” 

B'Elanna finished the braid, tying it off at the end. “I was too much for him. That’s my curse, being too much.” She released a short breath that contained years of adolescence. 

Kathryn turned and looked at her, seeing the pain etched on B'Elanna’s face as she gazed out at the stars. It was these moments that ached within Kathryn, when B'Elanna allowed her vulnerability to seep through her armor. Kathryn rose and slid next to her, pulling her into an embrace. B'Elanna wrapped her arms around Kathryn, returning the warmth that Kathryn had offered. 

Kathryn pulled away, looking at the woman next to her, eyes glistening with emotion, an electromagnetic charge filled the space between them and made it difficult to pull away. B'Elanna knew Kathryn had felt what she did. She could see it in her eyes, the way her pupils dilated, swallowing the blue, a dark abyss that felt so familiar. It felt like home.

“Lieutenant.” She was snapped out of her reverie by Vorrik, who stood patiently at her door. She smiled at him, the wisps of memory still wrapped around her cerebellum. 

“Yes?” 

“It is 1800 hours, the shift is over.”

“Oh? I guess it is.” She grabbed the PADD off her desk. “Thank you.”

“I was wondering,” He began, hands clasped behind his back, “If you would like to get dinner with me?” She smiled at him, patting him on the shoulder.

“Another time, I have plans this evening.” 

He bounced an eyebrow with a bit more expression than B'Elanna appreciated. “I see, have a good evening.” 

“You too.” 

It was all the self control B'Elanna had not to run to her quarters. When she arrived she quickly changed into a simple outfit, casual slacks and a sleeveless top. She put on a little makeup and looked at herself in the mirror. She was nervous. She could feel her heart beating in her chest and she wondered, briefly, if she’d made a mistake. 

She pushed that thought in the back of her mind. 

She set her table, simple enough, not too formal, a single flower adorning the vase in the center. 

As she was entering her commands into the replicator, her door chimed. 

“Come in.” She said, hearing the woosh of the door. “Dinner is almost ready, just putting it in now.” She said, not caring to look behind her. 

“You made dinner for me? How kind of you.” 

B'Elanna turned around, Tom Paris. Her eyebrows furrowed in response. She glanced at the chronometer. Kathryn would be here any minute. 

“I’m expecting someone for dinner.” B'Elanna said, crossing her arms. “What can I help you with?” 

“That’s no way to treat a guest, where was my invitation?” He teased, looking at the engineer’s dinner setup. “Must be someone pretty special if you’ve gone to all this trouble.” 

B'Elanna’s was not amused. “I don’t have time, Paris,” she growled. 

He placed his hands up. “Hey now. Just seeing if you wanted to go diving with Harry and I tonight. We had some holodeck time saved up, but I see you have other plans.” 

“I do.” 

“So, who is it?” 

“None of your business.” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, pushing him towards the door.

He smiled and as he was exiting her quarters, he saw the Captain walking towards her door. “Mystery solved...Evening Captain.” He nodded to see her classic blue dress, her hair tied in a simple low ponytail, and in her hand was a bottle of red wine. 

“Mr. Paris.” They passed each other and Kathryn felt a heat rush up her chest, as if she had just been caught sneaking out of her bedroom window. 

Kathryn rang the chime to B'Elanna’s quarters watching in her periphery as Tom Paris walked away. 

“Come in,” she heard, and entered. 

\--

The bundle of nerves that B'Elanna felt knotted up in her stomach was drained along with her second glass of wine. It was easy, she thought, to be alone with Kathryn. They both sat on the couch, B'Elanna’s legs curled up underneath her, her eyes heavy with alcohol. 

“I ran into Tom on my way here,” Kathryn said as she leaned back. B'Elanna was a great cook, and she indulged a little too much. 

Was Kathryn jealous? 

B'Elanna’s eyes were wide and then she laughed, “He was here earlier, wanted to see if I wanted to go diving with him and Harry.” 

“We have to be more careful,” Kathryn said, sipping from her glass. 

B'Elanna arched an eyebrow, “Why? We aren’t doing anything.” 

Kathryn looked at her,  _ Not yet _ , her look said. 

B'Elanna leaned forward, entering Kathryn’s personal space. She heard the captain’s breath catch in her throat, and saw her quickly look at B'Elanna’s lips, “Are we, Captain?”

Kathryn didn’t move away, but took a slow sip from her wine, looking B'Elanna in the eyes the entire time. “I suppose not...” As Kathryn stretched out her neck, B'Elanna found herself reaching out, gently running her fingers down the nape of Kathryn’s neck. Her skin, B'Elanna thought, was as smooth as silk, much more delicate than the stony exterior she projected as Captain. 

B'Elanna trailed down the collar of her dress, only to be stopped by Kathryn’s hand on top of her. She could feel the captain’s heart beating through the delicate fabric, the quickened pace of her breath.

“Thank you for dinner, B'Elanna.” Kathryn said, squeezing the younger woman’s hand. She stood then, placing her glass on the coffee table, exiting B'Elanna’s room before her heart won out over her head. 

B'Elanna leaned back against her couch, sinking into tears of rejection that stung her eyes.


	3. The Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Thanks to mistress of word Joanna <3

It was probably a poor decision on B'Elanna’s part to go to Sandrine’s. There was a certain kinetic energy that raged through her, and she didn’t quite know what to do with it. She needed to let loose. It didn’t help that her nights were spent walking the halls of  _ Voyager _ alone. Searching for a promise that couldn’t be made. She ordered a drink from the barkeep, made it a double, and shot it back. 

“Woah there, Lieutenant…” She heard the grating voice of Tom Paris, but tonight, instead of rebuffing him, she would have some fun. 

But not before ordering another drink. 

“Tom,” she said, turning to face him, leaning casually against the bar. 

“I’m surprised to see you here.” He placed his hand on the bar, leaning towards her. 

“I wish I could say the same about you.” She took a sip from her refill, staring him in the eyes.

He smirked then and she could see the wheels turning. A cacophonous play on the pool table caught her attention. She looked over only to see the Captain walk in, looking at her and Tom Paris.

B'Elanna turned her attention back to Tom. “I think you need a drink.” Her voice was low and enticing, forcing Tom to lean in closer to hear her words. She felt Kathryn’s eyes on her, but she didn’t return the gaze. B'Elanna turned her back to Tom and ordered him a drink. She felt his arms on either side of her and his body against hers. She turned and handed him his drink and sat down, allowing him to take a seat next to her. 

“I was beginning to think you lived the life of a nun,” Tom said, drinking whatever it was she ordered, coughing a little. 

“Too strong for you?” She asked. 

“I don’t mind a challenge.” He leaned in to her personal space and she let him. 

She grinned at him then, finishing her drink and ordering another. 

“Do you think they’re together?” He asked her, motioning to Janeway and Chakotay. 

The two were having a drink and sitting at a table, laughing. B'Elanna noticed how Kathryn gently touched Chakotay on his forearm and she curled one of her loose locks of hair at the nape of her neck around her finger. B'Elanna felt the beginning of a smoulder take hold in her stomach and she nearly slammed down her drink when she saw Kathryn cock her head back and laugh loudly, grabbing on to Chakotay. 

“I doubt it.” 

Didn’t they look like a couple? The way she touched him openly and without excuse in public, why didn’t Kathryn touch her that way? Why was she relegated to secret moments late at night behind plasma manifolds and in Jeffries tubes? Lingering and hot touches when no one was looking? 

She closed her eyes, rubbing her temple. 

“Are you okay?” Paris was sincere, B'Elanna would give him that, but his sincerity was what annoyed her the most about him. 

She looked up at him and placed her hand on his chest, “I’m fine.” 

B'Elanna could feel Kathryn watching her now, she could see her in the corner of her eyes. She also saw how Paris’ eyes dilated with anticipation. She let go of him when saw Kathryn walk up towards the bar and in just that moment, Harry called for Tom, “It’s your turn.”

“Go on flyboy, it’s your turn.” She watched him bound towards the pool table, and she slinked closer to the Captain, her Kathryn. 

“Nice to see you out and about, Captain.” B'Elanna nodded, turning her back to the room, so that both her and Kathryn were facing the bar. 

Kathryn looked at her. “It seems you and Mr. Paris are getting along rather nicely.” 

“He fills in the gaps.” 

The two women looked at each other, a brief pause in a cruel game that allowed a current of truth to flow between them.    
  


“I see…” Kathryn trailed off, playing with the hem of her jacket sleeve. 

B'Elanna shook her head. “What are you doing here Kathryn?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” 

Kathryn looked at B'Elanna, her eyes moving towards the engineer’s lips. 

It  _ was _ obvious, B'Elanna knew that Kathryn was looking for her, she had probably first stopped in Engineering and when she couldn’t find her there, she had come to the holodeck. In one way, this flattered B'Elanna, but in the other it annoyed her. To assume that B'Elanna would be waiting for her night after night, well past the nights she couldn’t show up. B'Elanna had spent the last four nights alone, walking the halls only her thoughts to occupy her. They didn’t always make the kindest companions. 

After all, why would anyone want to spend time with her?

“I need to hear you say it.” The request from B'Elanna was barely more than a whisper. 

“I came here looking for you.” Kathryn responded, placing a gentle hand on B'Elanna’s arm. 

B'Elanna finally let go of the breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Closing her eyes to feel Kathryn’s touch. As simple as that, B'Elanna had forgiven her for the past four nights, no longer requiring an explanation. 

This she was sure would be her undoing.

“I thought staying away from you would make  _ this  _ easier.” Kathryn gestured between them. She paused taking a sip from her drink, chewing on her thoughts. “The nights apart hurt more than those together.” 

B'Elanna knew that Kathryn felt she was trespassing into forbidden territory, it surprised her that Kathryn hadn’t realized that line had already been crossed. “This is a secret we both share. You’re not alone Kathryn.” B'Elanna squeezed Kathryn’s hand only to pull away as she saw Chakotay approach them. 

“PetaQ,” B'Elanna mumbled before tilting her head toward Chakotay, “lover boy approaches.” The two women turned towards the room again, the moment between them dissipating, and the revelry of Sandrine’s rising into their ears again. 

“I hope I wasn't interrupting anything,” Chakotay began, standing in front of the two women. 

“Not at all, Commander,” B'Elanna grumbled, taking a sip from her drink. Chakotay cocked an eyebrow at the use of his title, but didn’t press the subject. 

He held out his hand to Kathryn. “Care to dance?” She took it, casting an apologetic look B'Elanna who only rolled her eyes in response. 

B'Elanna watched from the sidelines with a clenched jaw as Chakotay placed his hands on the small of Kathryn’s back, guiding her to the sound of the music. She felt a pang in her gut when he dipped his head low and whisper in her ear. B'Elanna felt her heart begin to race and her face flush red-hot with anger. 

The two of them looked good together. The way Kathryn’s hand disappeared gracefully in Chakotay’s and how her body matched the curves of his own. Based on everyone’s reactions to the two of them dancing, they all thought the same. She crossed her arms across her chest and pinched her side, trying to will herself from the emotions building pressure inside her. 

Before she made a fool of herself, she downed her drink and exited the holodeck, stalking to the turbolift. She entered, placing her hand against the wall and breathing deeply. She felt her hand begin to clench into a fist. She needed sleep. She needed a reset.

“Computer, Deck 9.”

“Computer, belay those orders.” 

B'Elanna turned around, “What do you want, Kathryn?” She snarled. 

Kathryn stepped into the turbolift, “Computer, Deck 3.” 

“You’re really something. You think after tonight, I’m going to go with you to your quarters?” B'Elanna scoffed, arms crossed. 

“I do,” Kathryn said simply, walking off the turbo lift. 

B'Elanna stood there for a second, pushing her hair out of her face.

“Well?” Kathryn asked, turning around to see if B'Elanna would join her. 

B'Elanna rolled her eyes and joined Kathryn, they walked in silence until they entered Kathryn’s quarters. 

She had never been in Kathryn’s room before. B'Elanna took everything in, the gramophone in the corner, the plant life scattered around. She walked over to Kathryn’s book shelf, looking at the books she kept. Irish poetry, classical literature and philosophy. She pulled out a book of poetry and rolled through the pages, feeling the rough texture of the paper between her fingers. The steam released from her and she placed it back before sitting on the couch. 

Kathryn took off her jacket and placed it on the back of her chair, kicking off her shoes. She sat down next to B'Elanna. “I like the feeling of the pages between my fingers while I read.” 

Kathryn took her hair down, letting it be free and relaxed from her tight bun. Soft curls fell at the ends of it and B'Elanna couldn’t help but reaching out and capturing one of the tendrils between her fingers. 

“Why did you run off?” Kathryn asked. 

B'Elanna’s hand dropped to her lap, she turned her face away, “I couldn’t watch the two of you like that.” She stood, pacing back and forth, her arms on her hips. 

“There is nothing between Chakotay and me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Kathryn responded calmly. 

“You could have fooled me and everyone in there tonight.” 

“It was just a dance.” 

“Would you have danced with me if I had asked you?”

“I…” Kathryn stammered, “It’s not that simple.”

B'Elanna threw her hands up in the air, “I knew it.” She turned to leave, Kathryn stood, grabbing her hand to stop her, and B'Elanna whirled to face her. 

“He’s a charade, a distraction for the crew. You’re not.” Kathryn caressed B'Elanna’s face. The younger woman leaned in to the touch closing her eyes. 

B'Elanna was certain, Kathryn would be her undoing.


	4. The Lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale

The Lovers

_ W R Rodgers (1910-1969) _

After the tiff there was stiff silence, till  
One word, flung in centre like single stone,   
Starred and cracked the ice of her resentment   
To its edge. From that stung core opened and   
Poured up one outward and widening wave   
Of eager and extravagant anger.

  
  


\---

It was out of spite. Kathryn knew that now, B’Elanna pushing for the away mission, pushing away from her. 

It was in the way B'Elanna said _ Captain _, like it was poison. She had looked at the woman, whose eyes held something wholly recognizable to Kathryn. 

Hurt.

Loneliness. 

Anger. 

Three emotions Kathryn held an intimate relationship with. They comforted her like old friends, what was it that her Irish ancestors believed in? The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost? She called out to them, manifesting a comforting coldness.

And they’d take her hand and hold her, guiding her into the place she belonged.

She dipped herself into the scalding hot water and felt the pain rush through her. She called it a soak. Others would call it self mutilation. But this was the punishment she deserved for getting them stuck there, wasn’t it? She needed to feel every single mistake sting her flesh until she became comfortably numb, until it relaxed her muscles and she simply soaked in it all. 

The hurt, the loneliness, the anger.

Happiness wasn’t for Kathryn in this lifetime. The darkness followed everywhere she went, a spectre who sat silently in the corner watching her every move, smiling seductively anytime she thought she could have it all. 

It was there holding on tight after the death of her father, suffocating warmth under covers. Sometimes it’d stay away for moments of happiness, of love. When Mark had proposed to her and she said yes; Only to see it waving at her from a distance. 

“_ Don’t forget about me _.” It whispered, dark soulless eyes haunting her in the night.

It didn’t surprise her when she found herself in the Delta quadrant. She could have had happiness with Mark. For a while, at least, but the darkness always wins, doesn’t it? 

Kathryn dunked her head underneath the hot water, feeling it overtake her. She looked up and saw the world above her distorted. How long could she stay there? The thought crossed her mind a time or two, but it always came back around to her crew. Their happiness. 

If she couldn’t have it, at least, they could. 

The hope at least.

Maybe, if she was lucky, a little something for herself. 

She emerged from the water, standing in her bathroom red from the heat. She looked at herself in the mirror, noticing her freckles, the smoothness of her skin. She dried off and wrapped herself in her robe, the silky material clung to her body that was still slightly damp from the humidity in the air. 

Her door chimed. She put her hair up in a towel, at this time of the night it could only be Chakotay, delivering her a report from the away team. The report about B'Elanna and Tom on their away mission. Together, alone. 

“Come in,” She heard her doors open and she walked to greet her commanding officer. She could tell he was surprised to see her as she was. It wasn’t unusual for him to find her already in her nightgown, but it was something completely different to be nude under her robe…

“Captain,” he greeted her, his eyes quickly scanning her body. She dried her hair with the towel. 

“Do you have a status update with the away mission?” She asked, throwing her towel in the recycler. She sat down on her couch, crossing her legs, feeling the material slip and expose her thighs. She acted like she didnt notice, reaching her hand out for the PADD. 

He was staring, she could feel his eyes hot on her body. He always had a thing about her legs. 

“While they were taking off they were caught in a plasma storm. It cut off communications for some time. Besides that, all seems to be going by the book and they’re on their way back. Their hull is filled with plenty of dilithium.” 

_ Two Days. _

Two days without B'Elanna. 

Two days of B'Elanna and Tom together. Alone. 

She felt a tightness in her chest. Things had been different between them since B'Elanna had experienced Vorik’s pon farr. She couldn’t forget the pit in her stomach she had when she found out B'Elanna had bitten Tom Paris. 

Kathryn had dreamed once that B'Elanna had bit her and she wore the mark with pride. She woke up with a smile that morning. A lightness in her step that even Tuvok commented on. 

But it wasn’t Kathryn that she had chosen, it was Tom. Even if it was due to the psychic bond that she and Vorik had temporarily shared, the subconscious often shows our deepest secrets that refuse to reveal themselves in the daylight of truth. 

The darkness was there again, waving. A grin on its face.

Chakotay handed her the PADD and she began reading the status report, absentmindedly stretching out her neck, kneading the knots with her free hand. 

“I can help you with that…” Chakotay’s voice trailed off. 

Kathryn looked up at him, a devilish spark lighting up her eyes. 

“I could use the help,”

He looked at her momentarily, realizing that his advances had not been rebuked. Standing behind her, he began working at the knot that ran down her neck onto her shoulder. She closed her eyes, memories of their shared shelter flooding her vision, but instead of stopping him she let him continue. 

As his hands reached further down her neck, the silky material of her robe slipped past her shoulder, cleavage in full view of Chakotay’s hungry gaze. She felt his hands momentarily stop and she looked up at him, his eyes glued to her breasts until they finally found her eyes. She reached up at him, pulling his face towards her. 

_ What am I doing? _She thought momentarily and as his lips grew close to her own. Her door chimed and they sprung apart. She fixed herself. 

“If there isn’t anything else you need, Captain?” Carnal lust laden in his gaze and she smiled at him. 

“Another time, Commander.” 

As he exited her quarters, she saw B'Elanna at the door. 

“Chakotay,” The engineer greeted him. 

“Good to see you back,”

“Lieutenant, what can I do for you?” Janeway asked, motioning the woman inside her quarters. 

B'Elanna noticed what Kathryn was wearing and her eyes ran down the length of the captain’s body. She felt a warmth grow in her belly. 

  
  


“Kathryn we need to put an end to this.” B'Elanna said, closing the distance between them.

Kathryn looked at the woman standing above her, the realization flooding over her. B'Elanna wasn’t in love with her, how could she after all? 

The spectre emerged in the corner, eyes taunting Kathryn. A crooked smile. 

Kathryn closed her eyes, waiting for the gavel to fall and the verdict to be given.

“We have to stop punishing each other,” B'Elanna said, sitting next to the woman on the couch. 

Kathryn inhaled sharply, she was wrong. Very wrong. B'Elanna reached out, cupping Kathryn’s face, running her thumb across Kathryn’s bottom lip. A small whimper escaped Kathryn and she closed her eyes, leaning into the woman next to her, forehead to forehead. 

“I’m scared,” Kathryn whispered. 

“Me too,” 

“I can’t…”  
  
“Just one kiss” B’Elanna leaned in, capturing Kathryn’s lips with her own. 

How foolish B’Elanna thought, only one kiss? The kiss turned to two, to ten, B’Elanna found herself on top of Kathryn, ripping her robe off her body Kathryn’s naked form glistening with anticipation. 

A moan escaped the Captain’s mouth as B’Elanna explored Kathryn’s body, leaving a trail of bite marks and kisses along the way. Right before her mouth found Kathryn’s curls between her thighs, B’Elanna looked up making eye contact with her. 

“Yes…” Kathryn purred, her head dropping, giving B'Elanna the permission needed. 

It was needy, limbs entwined with limbs, fingers everywhere but together. Could they mesh their bodies into one, disappear from the world and join together before Zeus split them in two? 

The stars through Captain Janeway’s windows blurred as they continued their journey toward home, but in that moment, both women knew they had already found it.

FIN. 


End file.
